Love is blind. What does it means? It means we love someone without any valid reasons. We fall in love with someone and we do not know the reason why we have fallen in love with him or her. Most peoples forget that the one that put the love towards him or her in our heart is none other than the Creator of men themselves, Allah. There is no one that can gives loves beside Allah. Allah is the one that has put the love towards someone into our heart and we cannot do anything about it. We can neither increase nor decrease the amount of love towards someone in our heart except with the permission of Allah. Allah put love into heart of all mothers towards their children. Allah uses love as a means to protect and to nourish the young helpless children. A mother can undergo many nights without sleep, feeding and tending to her crying children because Allah has instilled love towards that child inside her heart. No one can instil that love except Allah. When Allah put love inside our heart towards someone we will not be able to find the reasons, why we have loved that person. We neither can love nor not to love someone with our own choice. We do not have the choice either to love or not to love someone. When Allah has put the love towards someone in our heart, we have no choice but to love that person. Allah instils love into our heart towards someone in order to test us. It is the same way as Allah gives us wealth and power in order to test us. Allah is testing us in order to enable us to know our level of Iman. We will know our Iman is weak whenever we are tested by Allah, end up we transgress the orders of Allah.
One of the important attributes that Allah use to test us is love. As an example, Allah made two married man and woman fall in love with each other. In this situation both the man and the woman are being tested by Allah. Allah is testing both of them by making them to fall in love with each other. In case both of them have strong Iman, both of them will not transgress the orders of Allah. There is nothing wrong to fall in love with each other, but what is wrong is to transgress the orders of Allah whenever men are being tested with love. In case both of them have weak Iman, they will certainly transgress the orders of Allah by involving themselves in illicit sexual activities. Naturally, human being likes to touch someone that they love and touching is the expression of men’s love towards someone they love. It is hard to love someone and yet we cannot touch him or her. When we kiss someone it shows that we love that person. Allah prohibits a man to kiss a woman who is not his Muhrim and similarly Allah prohibits a woman to kiss a man who is not her Muhrim. The act of a man kissing a woman who is not his Muhrim is a minor sin but it may lead to major sins, zina. Allah prohibits all actions that may lead to the performance of major sins like zina. Once a man touch a woman by the lips it may lead to him touching all other parts of the woman body, including her private parts and finally lead to both of them to perform illicit sexual intercourse. When both of them transgress the orders of Allah, both of them have failed the test from Allah. Allah is the one who put love towards the woman into the heart of the man and similarly Allah is the one that puts love towards the man into the heart of the woman and both are tested by Allah. When they first met, they may only like each other but as more contacts are made, it slowly turns into love towards each other’s. Allah does not prohibit us from loving each other’s but Allah prohibits man to touch a woman who is not his Muhrim even though he loves that woman as these actions may lead to the performance of major sins.
Will love end up or lead to marriage? We may love someone but it is not necessary that we will end up marry a person that we love. Allah is the one that makes us to fall in love with a person and Allah is the one that makes us to marry a person. None has the power to instil love towards a person into our heart except Allah and none can make us to marry a person except Allah. We may fall in love with someone but we may not marry to someone that we love as love is only the creation of Allah. Love definitely has no power to let us marry to the one that we love. Love is only the creation of Allah that He has placed into our heart towards someone. None has power to make person that we love to marry us except Allah. Allah can make us to marry to someone that we have no love at all towards him or her. Allah may or may not let us to marry to those whom we love. It is not love that makes us to marry but Allah makes us to marry and this is what is known as jodoh in Malay. When we have no jodoh with someone we will not be able to marry him or her. We may make all efforts to marry a person that we love but if Allah does not allow us to marry that person, we will not be able to marry him or her. Many peoples are not aware of the fact that none can make us to marry someone except Allah. Love can’t make us to marry someone that we love but Allah can. Allah can make us to marry someone that we do not love and someone that we love. One woman was saying to my friend that she will never ever marry him because she does not love him. It is wrong to say that we will never ever marry someone that we do not love as love is not Allah. Love has no power to do anything because it’s a creation of Allah. It is only Allah that has the only power to marry us. When we believe that love has the power to marry us, we will become frustrated and sad when we cannot marry someone that we love.
Many young women and men suffer from frustration and sadness because they cannot marry to the persons that they love and some of them even go the extent of killing themselves. We fall into frustration and desperation, when we cannot marry to the person that we love because we believe that love has the power to marry us to the person that we love. We should know that there is a different between love and marriage and there is no correlation between both of them. We may fall in love between each other but we may not end up marrying each other. On the other hand we may get married to someone whom we do not love. We may love our husband but our husband may not love us and similarly we may love our wives but our wives may not love us. Marriage is only a contract between woman and man who are not necessarily in love with each other. When Allah has destined us to marry someone that we love or do not love, we have no choice but to marry that person. It is not a success when we can marry the person that we love and it is not a failure when we have to marry the person that we do not love. Marriage is only a contract and when we fulfil the orders of Allah of marriage we will be successful. Our reason of marrying should be only because it is an order of Allah and our intention of marrying should be only to please Allah. We should not marry because we are in love and our intention of marrying should not be to please our partner. Love is a creation of Allah and it can come and go anytime. When we marry because we are in love, our marriage will remain intact as long as we are in love with each other. When we found out that we are no longer in love with each other, we will end up our marriage in divorce.
We marry because it is an order of Allah and our intention of marrying is only to please Allah. We marry because we want to submit the orders of Allah. We do not have to be in love before we can get married. Marriage is an order of Allah and it is a contract between men and women to live in accordance with the orders of Allah. It should not be the end of our life, when we found out that our wives or husbands are no longer in love with us. Marriage does not require love as a prerequisite but the prerequisite of marriage is Iman. When both men and women who are married have Iman, both of them would be able to obey all the orders of Allah related to marriage. When there is obedience to the orders of Allah, Allah will bless our marriage with peace and happiness. When we get married because we are in love with each other, our marriage will last as long as we are in love. The moment we found out that the love between us fades away, we find it is not worthwhile to continue the marriage any more. We must correct our intention in marrying our partners. We cannot be in love forever as love is a creation of Allah and Allah can put the love into our heart and Allah can also take out the love out of our heart. Love is not god and love is a creation that created by Allah. Love is the same as hatred. Allah is testing us with love and hatred. In all situations whether we are in love or not in love with our partner we have to continue marrying our partner. We should not choose divorce as the solution to our problems. As long we obey the orders of Allah in whatever situation we are successful.
When our husband wants to take another wife, we should allow it as long as there is an order of Allah for our husband to marry more than one wife. We should not go against the orders of Allah and we should not go against Allah. When we do not allow our husband to marry more than one wife when there is an order of Allah for him to do that, we are actually going against the order of Allah and we are going against Allah. Love is not the same as sexual needs. Our husband may have more sexual needs than other men and he may need to marry more than one wife. It does not mean, when our husband want to take another wife, he is no longer loving us. Love and sexual needs are two different things. A man can have sexual relationship even to a woman whom he does not love. Our husband may still love us but for his sexual needs he needs another wife. Many women will ask for a divorce when she found out that her husband want to marry another woman, because she thinks her husband does not love her any more. That is not true and even if her husband does not love her any more, she should not ask for a divorce. We do not need the love of our husband to be able to live happily and successful as the only love that we need to be able to live with happiness and successful is the love of Allah. We should not think that it is the end of our life, when our husband wants to take another wife. As long as we obey the orders of Allah as a wife to our husband we will be successful. The most important criteria for our husband to marry more than one wife is not the amount of wealth that he has but the amount of Iman that he has. When our husbands have strong Iman, they can marry more than one wife, because only those with strong Iman can obey the orders of Allah. Allah says in the Quran with the approximate meaning ‘marry one, two, three or four but if you fear of doing injustice, marry only one. In order to do justice, a person needs to have strong Iman and so only man with strong Iman can takes more than one wife. Because we neglect the factor of Iman in deciding whether a person is eligible to marry more than one wife or not, many marriages that involves more than one wife end up with failure. When we cannot do justice to our wives, then to have one wife is better than to have two or more wives. When we can do justice to our wives, then to marry more than one wives is better than to marry to only one wife. A man with strong Iman, good character and sound Islamic knowledge, marrying more than one wife is better for him than to marry only one wife.
Allah allows our Prophet Muhammad saw to marry to as many ladies as our Prophet saw wish and our Prophets saw finally end up marrying about eleven fortunate ladies. Prophet Muhammad saw did not marry because of love or because of sexual needs but our Prophet Muhammad saw married because of the order of Allah and to please Allah. What is important is our love towards Allah. We may love other than Allah but our love towards other than Allah must not be more than our love towards Allah. If we have to marry someone that we do not love, we must not become too worried about it. It is not the end of our life. Love is only a bonus in marriage; it is not the prerequisite of marriage. The most important prerequisite for marriage is Iman and when we have Iman we can obey the orders of Allah and become successful. When we only have love towards each other but we do not have Iman, then we will not be able to bring the orders of Allah in our marriage. When we cannot bring the orders of Allah in our marriage, we will become unsuccessful. We should not make the marriage ceremony to be something very great and that we have to spend so much money to celebrate the ceremony as some of our artists do. Marriage is an action or amal and it is the same as the other actions or amals ordered by Allah. When compare to the actions or amals associated with the Five Pillars of Islam, the order of marriage is of lesser order. We should make marriage ceremony to be very simple and economical. A simple and more economical marriage ceremony is more blessed by Allah than the more extravagant one. If we want our marriage to be blessed by Allah, we should only marry because it is the order of Allah and to please Allah. A marriage that start with the correct intention will lasts a lifetime up to heaven.
Prof. Dr. Nasoha Saabin
Dean of Faculty of Optometry
International University College of Technology Twintech
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia